I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
