he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
