made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
