I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
