youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
