I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
