So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
