when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
