I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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