How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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