bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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