I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
