Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
