Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
