It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
