Screwed.edu
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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