jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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