the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
