entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
