You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
