Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
