Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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