Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
