This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
