I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
