i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
