Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
