so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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