I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
