I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
