worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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