Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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