I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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