I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
well you can't waste a boner
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
