Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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