My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
