4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
