Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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