Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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