When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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