I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
