She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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