Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
