"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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