Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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