Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
