Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
