Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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