i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
