I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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