I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
