I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
