That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
