there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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