life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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