You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
